Intergenerational Trauma in Asian American Families, Part 2
Introduction to Intergenerational Trauma in AAPI Families
This is the second part of a two-part series on the topic of intergenerational trauma in Asian American families. I highly recommend reading Part 1, if you haven’t already. The part below will make so much more sense if you do!
So, in Part 1, we’ve established that people in Asian diaspora families might be impacted by experiences they did not have firsthand but that previous generations in their families had. The first part explained what intergenerational trauma is and why it occurs. This installment, Part 2, focuses more on what to do when you’ve figured out that you might be experiencing intergenerational trauma.
Signs You Might Be Carrying Intergenerational Trauma
First, let’s talk about how you know if you’re impacted by intergenerational trauma. My bias is that this is best explored within therapy but depending on the situation, that is not always possible. So how do you know if intergenerational trauma is affecting your life? Here are some common manifestations I observe in my practice:
Unexplained anxiety or hypervigilance. Some individuals find they are constantly on alert for danger, even in safe situations. Sometimes anxiety seems mysterious because the person cannot connect the anxiety to a traumatic experience they had. This may be an indication that there’s a history of high anxiety in the family due to some event or experience that would make family members protective and alert for danger.
Difficulty in relationships. Trusting others with our feelings can be daunting to many people, regardless of trauma background. However, when people encounter deep fears of closeness and vulnerability with others, particularly in romantic relationships, it might be worth exploring what previous generations went through to see if there are some connections that make sense. I find that people tend to struggle with (emotional) intimacy in relationships when their families have a history of traumatic loss or forced separation, as well as betrayal.
Difficulty trusting authority and institutions. Many children of trauma survivors inherit a deep suspicion of authority figures, healthcare systems, or government institutions, even without negative experiences themselves. This may be due to experiences of previous generations who were harmed by systems that were supposed to protect them but oppressed or persecuted or attacked them instead. A certain degree of distrust of authority and institutions is healthy but if you find yourself unusually distrusting of authority and institutions, you might want to explore this further with your therapist to figure out why you hold such cynical beliefs.
Cycles of silence around difficult experiences. Is there a family pattern of not discussing painful events or emotions? Do you find yourself unable to speak about your own struggles to family members even when you need their support? In some Asian cultures, it may be considered virtuous or appropriate to keep difficult problems private. It would be important to differentiate between cultural norms in your particular ethnic or cultural group versus the silence of denial and avoidance. In contemporary Asian countries, given the evolving attitudes and beliefs related to mental health, communication is becoming a bit more open and honest. Rather than assuming “that’s just the way they are,” you might consider what has happened to create silence around disturbing experiences your family members may have had. If you yourself have “inherited” this silence, what choices can you make to bring more flexibility to how you cope with difficult experiences?
High achievement pressure. Many children of immigrants feel intense pressure to succeed as justification for their parents' sacrifices. This makes a lot of sense given that many immigrant parents left behind their homes, careers, and support networks to provide better opportunities for their children in a new country. This sacrifice can create an implicit expectation that children will make the most of these opportunities through academic and career achievement. Often, I hear from clients that their immigrant parents explicitly communicated this expectation. I remember growing up that my mother threatened to take me back to Korea if I did not do well academically. Given these expectations, it’s no wonder many of us feel an obligation to achieve and be successful in the way our parents define that success. This kind of situation tend to bring to the surface the question of, “Do I accept the worldview that my life choices must justify a decision made on my behalf?” For some of us, the answer might be “Yeah that is important to me and I accept this legacy,” while others of us might think “I don’t know if this is what I want as the main motivation for my most important decisions in my life.” Regardless of your feelings, proceeding without thinking critically about these values can lead to difficult challenges later on.
Complicated grief and loss that feels outsized. Current losses might trigger disproportionate grief responses because they're connected to unprocessed ancestral losses. I often see this in connection with families whose previous generations have experienced historical trauma such as war. Sometimes the grief reactions are outsized because a family identity may include “surviving” and “toughing it out” so that when a new loss occurs, it can amplify the feeling of things being out of control. Similarly, if a family identity includes experiences such as “misfortune” or being “unlucky,” present losses can reinforce fatalistic, negative ideas about life and the world.
Relationship patterns that repeat across generations. Do you see similar relationship dynamics playing out across generations, such as patterns of emotional distance, conflict, or codependency? I discuss this more in-depth in Part 1.
Cultural disconnection. Some descendants of trauma survivors might find themselves racially or culturally isolated due to external circumstances. This may happen as a result of moving to a location that does not have a strong AAPI community but doing so for economic opportunity. Some descendants may completely reject their cultural heritage as a way to manage trauma responses. With some Asian American families, particularly Japanese Americans and Chinese Americans who might be 3rd, 4th, of 5th generation, this may happen as a result of one specific generation experiencing very serious discrimination that then impacts the way they express their cultural affiliation, which in turn impacts how their children culturally identify and express themselves.
Breaking Intergenerational Cycles: Pathways to Healing
What is so empowering about building self-awareness and reflecting on your experiences in your family is that you can stop intergenerational transmission of problems that are not adaptive or helpful in your present life. In other words, intergenerational trauma is not inevitable. Here are approaches that have helped my clients begin healing:
1. Develop Trauma Awareness
The first step toward change is recognizing the patterns. Start by exploring your family history with curiosity. What do you know at this time?
Here are some additional questions that can get you thinking about what previous generations went through.
What significant historical events affected your family?
Were there major losses, migrations, or hardships? Who experiences these things and from your perspective, how did they deal with them?
What stories get told repeatedly, and what subjects are never discussed? Find the silences, the unspoken pains and burdens.
What family "rules" or sayings were passed down to you? How do these unspoken rules make you feel? What’s helpful about them? What’s not helpful about them?
Understanding your family's trauma context helps make sense of patterns that might otherwise seem random or like personal failings.
Sometimes I like seeing the bigger picture of trauma across generations by facilitating the creation of a genogram with clients. This is an approach to mapping the family tree that helps to guide discussion about intergenerational experiences and patterns.
2. Practice Trauma-Informed Self-Compassion
Many reactions that seem problematic are actually adaptive responses to historical trauma. Rather than judging yourself harshly for anxiety, trust issues, or relationship struggles, try approaching these patterns with compassion:
"My hypervigilance makes sense given my family's history of sudden losses."
"My difficulty expressing needs comes from generations of having to suppress their own needs to survive."
To be clear, this doesn't mean accepting or condoning harmful patterns such as abuse or violence. But often it helps to understand why or how harmful or dysfunctional behaviors occurred and/or were permitted, enabled, protected, etc.
3. Create New Family Narratives
Healing often involves integrating fragmented family narratives. This might include:
Recording family stories from elders before they're lost
Researching historical contexts that affected your family
Creating new rituals or taking up traditional rituals to honor ancestors and their resilience
Finding ways to discuss difficult topics with family members
One client I worked with many years ago created a bilingual family cookbook with recipes that survived war, migration, and poverty. Each recipe became a vehicle for sharing stories of both hardship and resilience.
4. Establish Healthy Boundaries
Breaking trauma cycles often requires setting boundaries that might feel uncomfortable or even "disrespectful" in certain cultural context. This might mean:
Declining to participate in family dynamics that perpetuate trauma
Asserting your needs even when that wasn't modeled for you
Creating new traditions that honor heritage while leaving space for change
Setting limits on relationships that impede your healing journey
5. Connect with Cultural Strengths and Community
While acknowledging trauma, it's equally important to connect with cultural resources that promote healing:
Community connections and support networks that highlight strength and joy
For California residents, I highly recommend organizations such as Cut Fruit Collective
Cultural practices like meditation, qi gong, tea rituals
Spiritual or religious traditions that offer meaning and context
You Have the Capacity for Healing and Transformation
What I’ve observed in my many years of practice is that addressing intergenerational trauma in therapy feels daunting to many people. Breaking intergenerational trauma cycles is some of the most profound inner work we can do as adults. I acknowledge this work isn't easy, but I've witnessed remarkable transformations as Asian American women recognize trauma patterns, connect with their innate resilience, and begin writing new chapters in their family stories. It can be a clarifying, empowering process. It takes courage to face painful histories. That courage is rewarded by healing and growth.
As you reflect on your own family history, remember that the very awareness you're developing is already beginning to break the silence that allows trauma to persist across generations. Each step toward understanding and healing ripples outward, touching lives in ways we may never fully know.